Can't think of anything today. My car is nearly done. Maybe by next week the repairing will be done. Kinda cold in Betong. No rain but cold.

To think for a while, it is difficult to love someone. You just can't simply love someone and get married without knowing who she/he is. True love is very hard to find. We're not live in wonderland or fairy tale. I wish I am but live in reality hurt so much. We grow older every day.

Life is unfair huh?? Well sometimes I think life is unfair, but to think back, God never gives us a plan to condemned us but a plan that gives us prosperity.

But why I have to face all of the difficulties?? I'd like to question God but I can't do that. Am I born to be a loser?

Another unhappy days of my life....

Thinking all the things in the past. Some I can remember some I can't. I forgot what is the best things that ever happen to me. I have done a lot of mistakes in my life but now I can't change history. Always telling myself past is past but it keeps haunting me. Sometimes I wish life can be just like fairy tales. At the end will live happily ever after. I wish doraemon is exist but it just a cartoon. Being depressed, stressed, broken hearted is not an easy feelings to bear. Hanging out with friends sometimes make me feel at ease. Being alone.....only God knows.

2009 is not a good year for me although there are some good things happen. I feel sad. Throughout this year, I can't think even 1 happy moment that is happen to me in this year.

Why some people became egoist, hypocrite?? I don't understand? Are they trying to be someone else, to impress people? To make themselves adorable? Life is hard. When I need someone to talk to, not even single person lend their ears to me..to listen to my cry. I'm a human too though. Well..who needs me??? I'm not hoping for money neither sympathy. I just need everyone to understand me. I'm a human..I made mistakes so do everyone else? Why can't the accept me of who I am? I don't want to be some hippocratic maniac.

"IT IS BETTER TO BE HATED OF WHAT YOU ARE THAN TO BE LOVE FOR WHAT YOU ARE NOT"

What good does it makes if you be someone else?

I'm not trying to make myself pathetic.

"LOVE IS PASSION, LOVE IS KIND"

Love taught me to be passion to be kind. Eventhough people treat unfairly. Yeah, of course it is not easy to please everybody.

But to love someone who is not yours is very complicated. Loved someone very deeply, but to your realize, she is not yours...It hurts..The most difficult thing to manage is your heart. We can't control it. We can't pretend nothing happens.

Not everyone feels grateful for what you've done for them. Some might hate you more some might ignores you. It is difficult making someone to like you, but to make someone to hate you is easy even you've done nothing. Helping people make someone to hate you more. What kind of world we're living in?

Either you're sad or happy or depressed, no one cares.

DEPRESSED

Monday...it's 19th October, 4 days after my birthday. Nothing change..I still the same person..only the age that changes..This year, having birthday without my dad..only a few friends and families wished me..I'm not hoping for a gift..Huh, I just wished I could turn back time. Sadly, I couldn't hope for more..I just want my life to be better. I failed in love, I failed in everything..I did my best but my best wasn't enough.

My mood not very stable nowadays. I don't know why..sigh..sometimes I can laugh hectically, sometimes I just keep quiet whenever I'm sad..sometimes I'm angry...sometimes I feel that I'm not myself..always in my own world..

Melalut...

On the 17th day of September year 2009, I was admitted at Betong General Hospital. Suspected H1N1, scared, but I have faith that it was not H1N1. Only allergic of milk I have a fever. I told the doctor it was only an allergy. I drank milk, although doctor has warned me not to consume any dairy products, but I can't refuse myself to consume it because I love it so much. Chocolates, Ice Creams, Yogurts and my favourite of all time CHEESE..yum yum...drooling...

Sakit Wooo....!!

I hate needles...huh....I hate medicine...3days in the Isolation Room makes me sicker and sicker..Food...TASTELESS!!! No fever..but why they kept me in the room for 3 days..3 days feels like 300 years...warghh....No television, no entertainment, my phones low bat and they are not allowing us to charge our phone. And guess what...I'm the only male in the room...&*^&*@!! And no visitors allowed..what is the meaning of this..wah wah wah..sigh..

It have been couple of months I didn't update anything here. There's nothing much about me these few months. Work, sleep and eat..I wish I have millions and millions of money. I just wanna have fun, going for a vacation, buy luxury cars, a big house, a private jet and my parents don't have to work anymore..but anyway it's just a dream..angan angan sahaja maaa....

How I wish I can become one of the millionaires. Bill Gates, Donald Trump..Simon Cowell...It's so unfair people like Mawi can become a millionaire..his voice was terrible. From the scale 1 to 10 I give him 1/2..LOL..I think I can sing better than him..hhmmm...oh ya, a person like Tomok????? What kind of name is that???? Tomok??? Sounds like something gross....There's a lot of talented singer out there...common...don't just judge them by looks...unfair for all people that can sing..people like Faizal Tahir, a very talented singer more to say a good entertainer, people like Amelia, Bob..those people are good singers compare to those with good looking...Aril??? I don't think he can sing..but manage to get 1st runner up..I guess the voters don't know anything about music..tone deaf...Frankly speaking, for audition, better get a good judge, I mean a very very good judge...Reuben Studdard is not good looking but he is a very good singer, Fantasia Barrino, Jacklyn Victor, Bo Bice..Indonesian singers way better than Malaysian singers. My favourite singer is Ruth Sahanaya..when she sings, her voice makes me goosebums...

You're My Everything

Well, it's been quite a while i didn't write anything here. It's not that I'm busy, but I just don't know what to write. I am clueless and speechless. I'm not a man of a thousand word. Sometimes I hate my life, sometimes I love it. I hate it because sometimes I'm so lonely. Though I have friends around me but deep within me, only God knows. What makes me love my life is, I live only for Him. He saves me, He is my true friend, He is my healer...He is everything to me..Sadly I never do anything that pleases Him.

Today, I'm kinda happy because my favourite football team won. Go LIVERPOOL!! You'll Never Walk Alone..Yeah...I like that quote..We will never walk alone because He always walks with us. His presence is always with us no matter where we are what we do. We never sense it. Sadly..I'm not saying this because I am good, I am a sinner too. No one is perfect.

Bersadu..

2 weeks in a row, we have to work on saturday. Sigh...Jaga bilik gerakan...Moreover, we are very busy with activities, Pesta Buntal lah, pelancaran logo "An Honour To Serve"...ye ke? hehehe...so so tired...I have to sing Timang Pemansang again..I have sore throat right now..started to cough...sighhh again...my body is aching...tired...not enough sleep...huhuhu...having a cup of coffee this morning is a big mistake..I should drink milo...now I'm having stomach ache..I miss kuching though...2 weeks dah sik balit. haha...miss the environment. Miss hanging around at waterfront. Drink giant teh tarik that cost Rm10. Miss my PS2..haha..lama dah sik main PS2...If I have enough money, maybe I will buy PS3 or PSP...untuk menghilangkan kesunyian la td..my friends pun ada kehidupan sendiri so better for me not to bother them but mun ada masa terluang boleh la hangin around with them. They all I got now besides my family. They treat me like their family though. Thanks guys. I don't know how to repay you all. God will bless all of you...

My mom came with my cousin this morning from kuching. They used van though. Kasih mat..so sad. My mom have a license but she is afraid to drive. I hope my dad was here..he will be back April next year..huhu..counting days..

Tired..

I was appointed to be a judge for Anugerah Desa Cemerlang (ADC). Bidang terjun sebenarnya. Last minit..hahaha..well I thought it would be fun..tapi ayoyo..It really extremely tiring. On our first day of ADC, we went to Kabong..1st kampung was, Kampung Wawasan. What we did was, listened to the presentation and making judgment about their kampung just base on their presentation and their explaination. Presentation punyalah panjang...Ngantok mok mampus. Tahan ajak la...

Second Kampung on our 1st day, was Kampung Sessang, same thing presentation panjang mok mampus plus the weather is very very very very very hot.. I sweat like hell. Basah baju macam baru balit joging.

Then on second day, we went to Rh. Panjang Luban Ulu, and halleluia it's raining. At least sik panas gilak. But the road wahhh...teruk. Terpaksala redah Gen-2 sia. It took me about 15 mins to reached there. To my surprised, nang panjang la rumah iya..It is about 56 pintu..but kesian, they were not prepared for this competition. They were surprised about our visit. Kesian eh. Did anyone tell them about this competition? Terpaksa la beri markah kesian ngan daknya..Siapa-siapa yang bertanggungjawab lain kali, ask them to be prepared.

Next trip to Kampung Masjid, Betong..they're supposed to present at 11am but they postponed it to 2pm (patut kena DQ). Tapi apa boleh buat. I'm not the leader. During the presentation I yawned 100 times. Feel very sleepy. Tahan ajak la.. Jaga imej. LOL..Presentation finished at 4pm. We supposed to finish at 3pm tapi gara2 Kampung iya minta postponed, ikut jak la.

Last Kampung, was Kampung Baru, Betong. This one is ok, the presentation was not too long but we can't see the presentation because they didn't use the projector. They used only laptop. Siapa yang duduk kat depan iya dapat la nangga. Finished around 5pm lepas makan la. Then we head to District Office to make the final decision before announcing the result.

We finished around 6.30pm then I head back home, watching TV and the TV was watching me..ujung-ujung tek nak.. I fell asleep...Then woke up around 9.30pm, then I took a bath, then sambung balit tidor..hahaha...

I still feel very tired though. I guess I want to take a day leave just to relax myself. hmm...mun jak kena approve.

End of the World?

Betong is getting hotter and hotter. The haze become thicker and thicker. The water supply become lesser and lesser. We have to work weekend though. This year is not a good year for everyone. Is it the end of the world? H1N1 spread very fast. Schools closed. I hope my friends and my families will be ok. God please protect them..

Is 1998 tragedy will happen again this year, API nearly reached 1000...darurat woo...still remember that time, school closed for 1 month..bahagia jak rasa..haha..tambah another 1 month beri laluan for Commonwealth game (betul x ka eja ya?) lantak la janji sebut nya betul...but I forgot la whether ada kelas ganti ho...lantak la...it was 11 years ago..waahhhhhh...time flies so so so extremely fast..

Hmmm..the world is different now. Nobody scared of laws anymore. Most kids sniffing glue, vandalise government property, even some of them knows sex..isk isk..berani..I became confuse, what is the role of their parent now? Is it just raise them up without knowing about their social life? Janji beri makan, hantar sekolah, pandei sik pandei lantak la janji makan minum cukup..is it? Ataupun parents nowadays scared of their own children? When I was at their age, dolok dolok la, kena rotan cikgu pun takut dah madah ngan mak bapak..mun padah tambah la agi rotan iya. Now? A little bit of advise pun dipadah nganok..isk isk isk...Until parent nowaday pun terus nganok Cikgu membabi buta without interrogate. No wonder their children jadi sampah masyarakat..too pampered. Criminals pun dah sik takut ngan polis. Our country concentrates only on the development of the building but not social life of the citizens. Negara membangun tapi sampah masyarakat masih banyak apa reti?

Those who are wise, those who have "brains", please do something!!!!

What will happen?

What will happen if I'm gone?

What will happen if I'm sad?

What will happen if I cry?

What will happen if I'm lonely?

What will happen if everybody ignores me?

What will happen if I'm crazy?

What will happen if I'm lost?

What will happen if I'm broken hearted?

What will happen if there's no one to comfort me?

And last but not least...What will happen if I die?

Learning English 2

This is funny!! LOL

At Last...

It been quite a while I didn't upadating my blog. There's a problem with our WiFi these few days and I'm a little bit busy. At last, today baru dapat.

Last night Mike, David and I were having dinner at my home. Mike was cooking, me? Cooking la juak tapi can food la..hahaha...am helping him a little bit though and David also brought some food with him. I forgot to take picture. Makan 3 orang tapi lauk untuk 10 orang..hahaha...amu mata ko Iban..hehehe.

After we're finish eating, we're watching Star Movie (sik tauk cerita apa..sik info) but the movie was quite nice. Morgan Freeman jadi assassin dalam cita iya. Then we're watching CSI part Horatio mati..Is he really dead? I wonder..biasa la cita CSI tok pelik2 jak tapi best..LOL.

Owh ya, last night was raining heavily, at last, but it just for a while..huhuhu..but at least a sejuk sikit tapi jerebu sik hilang. I'm afraid that my asthma will return. It's been a long time sik kena asthma. The last time my asthma attacked was about 5 years ago. It was a bad day for me. Twice kena neb, coming for the third time tapi lama gilak tunggu, chow ajak la. I've been waiting for 3 hours for my medication inside the emergency ward, tapi sik juak Doc panggil2. Mok pengsan wooo...The service was very very poor..

I hope my asthma will be gone for good. Sigh..

HOT!!

There's no rain since these past few months. The weather is extremely hot...Sweat like hell, aircond is not functioning well. I can't do my work. Feels uneasy..My brain is boiling..huhu..rain rain please come..How I wish Malaysia have winter..hahaha...or have a very low temperature..haha..mun jak...Cuaca dah sik menentu dah.

I feel very sleepy. Stomach ache, headache. I will be sick in no time. wahhh...my eyes sore..my body is aching..No wonder people hates monday..sigh..

AMBITIONS

During primary school, my friends keep asking me what is my ambition..I answered them I wanted to be a policeman just like my dad. Then after a few years, my ambition changed, instead of policeman, I want to be a doctor because I want to help people..During form 3, my ambition changed, I told my friends I want to be an accountant. During form 5 I told my friends that I want to form up a band and be a rockstar. hahaha...sampei kinek tok pun takut mok nyanyi depan orang. Then, when I entered UiTM, I don't know what I want to be..as long as I get a job that suits my qualification.

I never dream to become a Civil Servant. Never crossed my mind. Now, all I wanted to do is be the best in all things that I do. It's not easy to find a job now unless if you're working offshore. Lots of money...I'm sure that everyone have their own ambitions. So, what is your action to make your dream come true? Wake up guys!! Don't just talk, talk and talk. Like what most people say, 'ACTIONS SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS'.

NO IDEA

I'm going back to Kuching with a hope to see my friend. We made a promise though to hang out. She told me she's busy..well I can understand that. I never thought that her boyfriend came along. If I knew, I wouldn't came back to Kuching. Sorry my dear friend. I can understand that you are having a problem. Hope you can solve it in no time. :)

Tonight my friend made a plan to go to Monsoon, but I don't have a mood to go.I don't have a mood to go anywhere. Not even to a movie. Sigh..suddenly my mood down. I feel tired, lonely, depressed, stressed and sad. I don't know why. Day by day I can feel myself so sick and tired of my own life. Somehow, I need to be alive though, for the sake of my family. My grandma keep asking me when I'm going to get married? Difficult for me to answer that question..I never worried bout that..Only God knows when..He plans and He knows what my future will be...


I can't sleep..not enough rest for the whole week. So damn tired. And yet tomorrow have to wake up early to go to church. After that I have to drive back to Betong alone. It's going to be another tiring day for me. I hope I'm not feeling sleepy tomorrow.

A VISIT TO BUYONG

Yesterday we visited Buyong Panjai which was burned last Sunday. What a tragedy, only few houses left, two motorcycles burned. The villagers have nothing left. Luckily no one is dead. That was a tragic moment for the villagers in Buyong. As I watched them, I felt so sorry for them.

Please do pray for them. :(

Learning English

Why Malaysian Government insist using English on Maths and Science?

This is because the whole world uses the language as an information or/and technology language. How dangerous it will be if we try to use Bahasa especially in school. See example below :-

HARDWARE = BARANG KERAS
SOFTWARE = BARANG LEMBUT
JOYSTICK = BATANG GEMBIRA
PLUG AND PLAY = CUCUK DAN MAIN
PORT = LUBANG
SERVER = PELAYAN
CLIENT = PELANGGAN

Try to translate this :

English :
That server gives a plug and play service to the client using either hardware or software joystick. The joystick goes into the port of the client.

Now in Bahasa :
Pelayan itu memberi pelanggannya layanan cucuk dan main dengan menggunakan batang gembira jenis keras atau lembut. Batang gembira itu akan dimasukkan ke dalam lubang pelanggan.

INSOMNIA

Last nite, I'm having trouble trying to sleep. I'm not trying to count sheeps because i don't like to do it. It gives me a headache. Trying myself to sms my friends but no one seems to reply me. My mind is in a mess right now. My eyes tired..my body is aching..I hope tonight I can sleep. Now I'm feeling very sleepy. Can't take coffee because I have gastric. Maioh mat penyakit..isk...sadly I love coffee but can't consume it so much.

CARELESS WHISPER

I Feel So Unsure

As i take your hand
And lead you to the dance floor
As the music dies
Something in your eyes
Calls to mind a silver screen
And all its sad goodbyes

[Chorus]

I'm never gonna dance again
Guilty feet have got no rhythm
Though it's easy to pretend
I know you're not a fool
I should have known better than to cheat a friend
And waste a chance that i've been given
So i'm never gonna dance again
The way i danced with you

Time can never mend
The careless whisper of a good friend
To the heart and mind
Ignorance is kind
There's no comfort in the truth
Pain is all you'll find

[Chorus]

Tonight the music seems so loud
I wish that we could lose this crowd
Maybe it's better this way
We'd hurt each other with the things we want to say
We could have been so good together
We could have lived this dance forever
But now who's gonna dance with me
Please stay

[Chorus]

Now that you've gone
Now that you've gone
Now that you've gone
Was what i did so wrong
So wrong that you had to leave me alone

Love this song so much...by Seether..cover George Michael mpun lagu..Seether sang it better than George Michael..

MOOD

It's 3.04pm and I'm not in the mood to work. Sitting in front of my lappy and updating my blog. My head is spinning and I'm listening to Sweet Child of Mine for the fifth time. I love this song so much. When I'm in depressed, music is my only friend. I hope by listening to loud songs can bring my good mood back..Luckily I'm in my office..no one can hear me singing..melalak macam orang gila..maybe orang dengar maybe not.

I don't know why my mood suddenly down. Or maybe i wear blue today..hahaha...what i need now is a massage. But sikda la orang pandei ngurut sitok. Would it be nice if I have Personal Assistant..(berangan)..LOL...

TIRED

I'm having trouble of sleeping these two days. Yesterday I woke up around 1pm. My mom didn't wake me up, I wonder why hmm...I depart from Kuching around 4pm and arrived at Betong around 7.30pm. I sent my granduncle to Engkeranji then back to my own house but then i felt so so so hungry and I brought Roni to have dinner with me..then go back home..bathe and then watching tv..sikda cerita best, terpaksalah nangga 'Jom Heboh' and 'Jangan Lupa Lirik'..tunggu jam mok nangga Liverpool main @ 11.20pm..after that i watched 'The Nanny's Diary'..finished watching that movie, my eyes still fresh..i force myself to sleep though..it's 4am..OMG, why is this happening to me? argghhhh....I don't know what time 'terlelap'..but then when i woke up.....IT'S 8am...warghhh..I rushed to shower, then ironing my shirt..then pecut to work, walaupun sik jauh..I thought my boss dah ada, luckily he came late...thank God..

Now I'm feeling queasy and i have a lot of work to do. I don't have time taken my breakfast. Lunch, no idea..Luckily I'm not married yet. My parent didn't ask that questions. Nok bukan parent iya ngegeh mok tanya bila aku mok kawen. sigh...

For some people that have girlfriend or boyfriend, please cherish them. Don't even let them go. Once you love him/her, love them till the end of your life. Don't make promises that you cannot keep. Always support each other. Unlike me, I'm longing for a true love...but sadly..people keeps playing with my heart..took advantage of my kindness...hmmm... Well, forget about it. I don't want to think much.

It's lunch time now..I don't know what to do. I don't have appetite to eat. Feel sleepy but I'm not a day napper (rosak bahasa). I need someone to talk to, but I guess everyone seems to ignore me..What is happening..? I don't deserve this..feels like that I'm useless to everybody. It's so sad. I don't like to be sad..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDMA

I'm went back to Kuching because we're celebrating my grandma's 70th birthday. Wow..but she still look very young though. Hehehe...so I went off early because I want to buy a present for her and I bought Fuel For Life by Diesel. Mok beli baju pun i don't know her size..hahaha..teruk nya cucu tok...Well anyway I hope that God bless her with a long life. HAPPY 70th BIRTHDAY GRANDMA. GOD BLESS YOU ALWAYS..Love ya always.

Still looks beautiful


Suin's Legacy


2 is missing..5 of them..hehe

With her grandchildren and ichit..

Potong Kek..

Greetings

Hello..What should i say about myself..well this is my first try creating this blog..belum cuba belum tahu, kan?

Ok, ok..let me introduce myself. I was born in 15th day of October year 1983...so i'm coming to 26 years old this year...wahhh...makin tua la...huhu...not to say that tua la, tapi maybe sik berasa kelak i'm gonna be 30 in 4 years time. Yeah, whatever. I was born in Iban family..Proud to be Iban..oooohhhaaaaa...

I'll try my very best to 'betusut'. Nti bisi salah anang minta ampun ngagai bala kaban belayan..


Once upon a time....

CHELA ANAK BROOKE belaki di ambi ELIAB ANAK BAYANG

Beranak ka:

1. VIDA BAYANG belaki di ambi ANDRIA EJAU

2. JOSHUA SUIN LAWAT (di iru LAWAT & LAUS) bebini ngambi AYA ANAK BINGKOK

3. BRANGKA BAYANG bebini ngambi EDLINE

4. IGNATIUS MANGGA BAYANG bebini ngambi

5. JOHN JANGON BAYANG bebini ngambi

6. EASTER BAYANG belaki di ambi

7. JONATHAN SUMPING BAYANG bebini ngambi

8. ANDRIA NUI 'Job' BAYANG bebini ngambi CATHERINE


To make the story short....


2. JOSHUA SUIN LAWAT (di iru ari CHELA & ELIAB) bebini ngambi ARA ANAK BINGKOK

Beranak ka :

2.1. ANITA belaki di ambi EDWARD ANDING

Beranak ka:

i. RACHAEL SIMAI

ii. ELIAB MOSES bebini ngambi MALTINA MALTAR

Beranak ka:

Elton Joshua

iii. PERPETUA MAU


2.2. WINSTON DANA bebini ngambi JOANNA LISA

Beranak ka:

i. EZEKIEL LAWAT

ii. JACOB ASHLEY

iii. REUBEN SATAP


2.3. RAMONA CHANDI

2.4. JAMES JIMBA bebini ngambi SELINA ANAK LAWRENCE AKON

Beranak ka:

i. ABIGAIL LAOS

ii. AGATHA BANGIN

iii. LEO AYUM (di iru RAMONA CHANDI)

iv. ANATASHA LEMA

v. AURELIA TELA

vi. AVERY BERAYAN


2.5. PATRICK LABON bebini ngambi SANDRA LUGIS

i. SHAUN ISEK

ii. KIM RANDU

iii. SHRQAL BARAN

That is my family tree...hehehe...nti nulis semua panjai cerita lagi. Nda abis ari tu lagi. Ok, back to myself, where was i....oh ya..I was studied in ST THOMAS since primary 1 until Form 5..itu dinamakan OTA (Old Thomian Association). I'm active with sports and I love music (pernah angan-angan mok jadi singer tapi erhhmm..suara sik la kacak gilak) LOL...then i further my studies in UiTM until now..bukan x habis la..kinek tok ambik degree as a part time student.

Celebrating my 2nd birthday

Softball Club 1999

I never thought that i will be posted in Betong working as a Government Servant. Thank God because He answered my prayers. 5 years ago I've prayed that i want to be in Betong, my own hometown though i was born in Kuching but my dad grew up here. I believe that God has a plan for me here. I wonder what it will be? Well, we have to wait and see. I enjoyed my life here, i have friends that cares and sometimes wacko..hahaha..jangan marah..kira sama palak gila-gila la kamek orang. I will pray for them and ask God to bless them abundantly. This is the new chapter of my life. From a child, teenager, student, graduate and now I have a secure job. Thanks to God, my families and my friends for supporting me each and every day of my life. Although I wanted to be a doctor but i believe God has a better plans for me..Continue to support me to be a better person. I don't like sadness because it hurts but we can't avoid it aren't we? Deep in my heart there's a sadness. Only those who knew me knows. Just forget about the pass. Look forward. Don't be distracted by the pass. God please strenghten my heart. Give me wisdom and let me be what You want me to be.