Happy New Year

Hi..it's 2010 now..2009 left with a lot of sweet and bad memories. A lot of bad things happens to me in 2009. I hope in 2010 will be better. I need guidance in 2010. God please lead me and show me the way.

It's already 10 days in 2010. Nothing much happens. On the First day of new year we have a good start though..we went to play paitball. Although it is painful but it's fun. But unfortunately, something bad happen to my friend and his fiance. They both had an accident on their way back to home. Sadly his fiance pass away and my friend still in coma. We will always pray for his recovery. And I hope that he will be strong. Rest in peace to his fiance.

As for me, hmm..nothing much though..I'm still the same person. I will try to be stronger this year. I have friends around me to give me support and families too...thanks to all of you. God bless all of you always. That is my prayer for all of you. I'm not perfect though, but I hope that I'll be accepted for who I am. I do made mistakes and that makes me human. LOL.

I wish all of you a Happy New Year and God bless always..Peace!!

Can't think of anything today. My car is nearly done. Maybe by next week the repairing will be done. Kinda cold in Betong. No rain but cold.

To think for a while, it is difficult to love someone. You just can't simply love someone and get married without knowing who she/he is. True love is very hard to find. We're not live in wonderland or fairy tale. I wish I am but live in reality hurt so much. We grow older every day.

Life is unfair huh?? Well sometimes I think life is unfair, but to think back, God never gives us a plan to condemned us but a plan that gives us prosperity.

But why I have to face all of the difficulties?? I'd like to question God but I can't do that. Am I born to be a loser?

Another unhappy days of my life....

Thinking all the things in the past. Some I can remember some I can't. I forgot what is the best things that ever happen to me. I have done a lot of mistakes in my life but now I can't change history. Always telling myself past is past but it keeps haunting me. Sometimes I wish life can be just like fairy tales. At the end will live happily ever after. I wish doraemon is exist but it just a cartoon. Being depressed, stressed, broken hearted is not an easy feelings to bear. Hanging out with friends sometimes make me feel at ease. Being alone.....only God knows.

2009 is not a good year for me although there are some good things happen. I feel sad. Throughout this year, I can't think even 1 happy moment that is happen to me in this year.

Why some people became egoist, hypocrite?? I don't understand? Are they trying to be someone else, to impress people? To make themselves adorable? Life is hard. When I need someone to talk to, not even single person lend their ears to me..to listen to my cry. I'm a human too though. Well..who needs me??? I'm not hoping for money neither sympathy. I just need everyone to understand me. I'm a human..I made mistakes so do everyone else? Why can't the accept me of who I am? I don't want to be some hippocratic maniac.

"IT IS BETTER TO BE HATED OF WHAT YOU ARE THAN TO BE LOVE FOR WHAT YOU ARE NOT"

What good does it makes if you be someone else?

I'm not trying to make myself pathetic.

"LOVE IS PASSION, LOVE IS KIND"

Love taught me to be passion to be kind. Eventhough people treat unfairly. Yeah, of course it is not easy to please everybody.

But to love someone who is not yours is very complicated. Loved someone very deeply, but to your realize, she is not yours...It hurts..The most difficult thing to manage is your heart. We can't control it. We can't pretend nothing happens.

Not everyone feels grateful for what you've done for them. Some might hate you more some might ignores you. It is difficult making someone to like you, but to make someone to hate you is easy even you've done nothing. Helping people make someone to hate you more. What kind of world we're living in?

Either you're sad or happy or depressed, no one cares.

DEPRESSED

Monday...it's 19th October, 4 days after my birthday. Nothing change..I still the same person..only the age that changes..This year, having birthday without my dad..only a few friends and families wished me..I'm not hoping for a gift..Huh, I just wished I could turn back time. Sadly, I couldn't hope for more..I just want my life to be better. I failed in love, I failed in everything..I did my best but my best wasn't enough.

My mood not very stable nowadays. I don't know why..sigh..sometimes I can laugh hectically, sometimes I just keep quiet whenever I'm sad..sometimes I'm angry...sometimes I feel that I'm not myself..always in my own world..

Melalut...

On the 17th day of September year 2009, I was admitted at Betong General Hospital. Suspected H1N1, scared, but I have faith that it was not H1N1. Only allergic of milk I have a fever. I told the doctor it was only an allergy. I drank milk, although doctor has warned me not to consume any dairy products, but I can't refuse myself to consume it because I love it so much. Chocolates, Ice Creams, Yogurts and my favourite of all time CHEESE..yum yum...drooling...

Sakit Wooo....!!

I hate needles...huh....I hate medicine...3days in the Isolation Room makes me sicker and sicker..Food...TASTELESS!!! No fever..but why they kept me in the room for 3 days..3 days feels like 300 years...warghh....No television, no entertainment, my phones low bat and they are not allowing us to charge our phone. And guess what...I'm the only male in the room...&*^&*@!! And no visitors allowed..what is the meaning of this..wah wah wah..sigh..

It have been couple of months I didn't update anything here. There's nothing much about me these few months. Work, sleep and eat..I wish I have millions and millions of money. I just wanna have fun, going for a vacation, buy luxury cars, a big house, a private jet and my parents don't have to work anymore..but anyway it's just a dream..angan angan sahaja maaa....

How I wish I can become one of the millionaires. Bill Gates, Donald Trump..Simon Cowell...It's so unfair people like Mawi can become a millionaire..his voice was terrible. From the scale 1 to 10 I give him 1/2..LOL..I think I can sing better than him..hhmmm...oh ya, a person like Tomok????? What kind of name is that???? Tomok??? Sounds like something gross....There's a lot of talented singer out there...common...don't just judge them by looks...unfair for all people that can sing..people like Faizal Tahir, a very talented singer more to say a good entertainer, people like Amelia, Bob..those people are good singers compare to those with good looking...Aril??? I don't think he can sing..but manage to get 1st runner up..I guess the voters don't know anything about music..tone deaf...Frankly speaking, for audition, better get a good judge, I mean a very very good judge...Reuben Studdard is not good looking but he is a very good singer, Fantasia Barrino, Jacklyn Victor, Bo Bice..Indonesian singers way better than Malaysian singers. My favourite singer is Ruth Sahanaya..when she sings, her voice makes me goosebums...

You're My Everything

Well, it's been quite a while i didn't write anything here. It's not that I'm busy, but I just don't know what to write. I am clueless and speechless. I'm not a man of a thousand word. Sometimes I hate my life, sometimes I love it. I hate it because sometimes I'm so lonely. Though I have friends around me but deep within me, only God knows. What makes me love my life is, I live only for Him. He saves me, He is my true friend, He is my healer...He is everything to me..Sadly I never do anything that pleases Him.

Today, I'm kinda happy because my favourite football team won. Go LIVERPOOL!! You'll Never Walk Alone..Yeah...I like that quote..We will never walk alone because He always walks with us. His presence is always with us no matter where we are what we do. We never sense it. Sadly..I'm not saying this because I am good, I am a sinner too. No one is perfect.

Bersadu..

2 weeks in a row, we have to work on saturday. Sigh...Jaga bilik gerakan...Moreover, we are very busy with activities, Pesta Buntal lah, pelancaran logo "An Honour To Serve"...ye ke? hehehe...so so tired...I have to sing Timang Pemansang again..I have sore throat right now..started to cough...sighhh again...my body is aching...tired...not enough sleep...huhuhu...having a cup of coffee this morning is a big mistake..I should drink milo...now I'm having stomach ache..I miss kuching though...2 weeks dah sik balit. haha...miss the environment. Miss hanging around at waterfront. Drink giant teh tarik that cost Rm10. Miss my PS2..haha..lama dah sik main PS2...If I have enough money, maybe I will buy PS3 or PSP...untuk menghilangkan kesunyian la td..my friends pun ada kehidupan sendiri so better for me not to bother them but mun ada masa terluang boleh la hangin around with them. They all I got now besides my family. They treat me like their family though. Thanks guys. I don't know how to repay you all. God will bless all of you...

My mom came with my cousin this morning from kuching. They used van though. Kasih mat..so sad. My mom have a license but she is afraid to drive. I hope my dad was here..he will be back April next year..huhu..counting days..